allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
