Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
