saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
