Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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