i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
