Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
