You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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