In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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