I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
