Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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