so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
