i would punch a child for taco bell
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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