You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
