how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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