Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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