It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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