We're facebook friends in real life
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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