SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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