maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize