I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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