I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
