Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
