I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
