Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
