Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize