his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
