we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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