Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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