Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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