we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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