Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
