and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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