i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
