It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
