those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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