Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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