Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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