No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
