She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
