think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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