He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
