if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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