I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
