I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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