I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Screwed.edu
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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