Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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