she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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