Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
