a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
