It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my shit smells like andre
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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