I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
