gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
