Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I supernannyed him into submission
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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