Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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