true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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