Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
