john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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