how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
