a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
